Welcome to the season, and welcome to the first Wood Baseball Club Blog. This blog will be for game recaps, statistics, and all types of Wood Tomfoolery. Basically it will contain no information of any value or intelligence. With that said, I give you the first entry...
Looking to build on rising success in 2010, Wood Baseball Club will strap on their cleats, pine tar their bats, and shave their bikini lines for another glorious season starting Saturday. Despite being knocked out in the quarter finals of last year’s Naba playoffs, Wood hit all time highs in wins, runs, and strikeouts of opposing hitters with called third strikes over a batter’s head (1). Last season Wood made the post-season for the first time in team history and iced the cake with the first playoff win as well. Despite the unfamiliar territory in 2010, expectations for Wood are high in 2011 and I’m not just talking about Dave’s bedroom, which has seen a busy off-season.
Recently I was able to track down Wood manager Brandon Sides coming out of a club (pictured below) with three chicks dressed as bumble bees hanging on him. “Wooooooooooooooooooooood,” was all he yelled right before he vomited on one of the bees, when asked about his team’s chances this season. Shortly afterwards he was seen wearing only a pair of woman’s undergarments writing, “Wood Is Good,” on several Girls’ breasts outside of Ruby Skye Nightclub.
2010 Record 12-8 (4th in Ocean Division)
Playoffs:
Beat Diablos 1st round
Lost to Isotopes Quarter Finals
Key Additions:
99 times out of 100 when another man approaches you in the gym locker room with a towel draped over his shoulder and only a sock over his privates, you are about to get sodomized, but in Dan Deane’s case, he was subjected to just a little taste of Wood recruiting. Propositioned, at a nearby gym, outfielder extraordinaire Dan Deane is the man, I mean outfielder, Coach Sides has always dreamed of. Deane will play his in his first career game Saturday, and most importantly bring a hot girlfriend to join The Woodettes; Wood’s world renown cheering fan base.
His debut will be shared with infield phenom Matt Moyer who will also play his first game this weekend. Matt’s spectacular fielding at shortstop and strong bat are dazzling, but there really is only one question everyone is wondering. Who will be the first Wood player to break his glove hand catching a Moyer laser throw this season?
Wood’s 2011 Roster:
Jevon “Mad Dog” Matassi
Ryan “The Prophet” Tovani
John “The Irish Babe Ruth” Lanahan
Adam “Wood Is Long” Fong
Frank “Bulldog” Bauch
Brandon “The Swedish Game Hen Comes with Two” Sides
Matt “Mustard” Moyer
Patrick “The Franchise” Whelly
Rick “Shake Weight” Roitinger
Dave “Winning” Aubuchon
Dan “Never Going to 24 hour Fitness again” Deane
Will “Cool Papa” Tong
Steve “Coolest player on Wood” McDevitt (F it, when you create a blog, you can do whatever you want too)
Ely “The Oracle” Alexander
Grant “Don’t Call me Drew” Bledsoe
The 2011 season kicks off at noon on Saturday at Balboa Park. Bring your wives, girlfriends, gay lo
vers, dogs, cats, wildebeests and friends.
Signing off…
Wood is Good.
Check back for game recaps, stats and all types of Wood propaganda during the season. If you haven’t already done so, subscribe for updates to be e-mailed directly to you. (If you prefer messenger pigeon, pony express or smoke signals, let me know as well, and I’ll provide a separate link).
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