It’s DeBAUCHerous

1^st place Wood Split a Pair as Hitting Extraordinaire Frank Bauch Leads Wood to Victory and Two Woodettes Suffer Through Eight Hours of Baseball

Game 1 – All Blacks 11, Wood 10 (10 innings)

Game 2 – Wood 17, All Blacks 12

June 12^th, 2011

First off, some game quotes:

“That son of a bitch better quit leaving the toilet seat up after the misery I’ve sat through today..”

- Ely’s girlfriend Antonia when asked after the game if she enjoyed sitting through two Wood games

“This time it’s your turn to wear the handcuffs, you dirty dirty bad boy…”

- Jevon’s girlfriend/ can lady taken in context per a sexting conversation between her and Jevon on her Myspace page

Jevon's lady seen nearby shortly after confiscating Wood's water

And now to the recap...

San Francisco, Ca – In front of the biggest crowd of the year, Wood split a pair of games with division foe All Blacks Sunday afternoon at Balboa Park in San Francisco.

Expectations were high coming into the contest since the All Blacks were just ½ game backgoing in, which I’m assuming is why world renowned woodettes , Antonia and Megan showed up for pre game warm-ups and stayed through all of both games. Lord only knows what Ely and Grant had to do in return for this generous act of kindness.

* Video footage shot shortly after this blog was published showed a reluctant Grant loitering in the linens section at Bed Bath & Beyond, feverishly loading as many shower curtain rings into his basket as he could fit.

Game one started off in total disarray, as “McSteve” took the mound and proceeded to walk the first batter he faced. He would later score along with fellow All Black mate (who was actually white by the way) and the All Blacks took an early 2-1 lead. The score would not remain that for long as the game went up and down like a toilet seat for the majority of the contest. The game had more changes than Dave at a drag queen runway model shoot.

Luckily Wood bats put on a hitting clinic amassing seven runs off of All Blacks starter (also white) to make “No Decision” McSteve the pitcher of record when he made an early departure after five frames.

Hits coming off the bats of John Lanahan, Matt Moyer, Patrick Whelly, Will Tong, Grant Bledsoe and Frank “Ty Cobb” Bauch contributed to the hit parade. The biggest hit of the game came in the top of the ninth off the bat of “Let's Be” Frank Bauch who knocked a RBI single back up the box to score the tying run.

Ely Alexander relieved McDevitt and was able to keep the damage to a minimum, pitching three innings of relief.

Alexander handed the game off to crafty lefty Rick Roitinger with the score tied. Roitinger pitched a scoreless ninth highlighted by a miraculous play in the field by Will “Velcro hands” Tong to take the game into extra innings.

After Wood went 1-2-3 in the top half of the tenth, All Blacks’ bats were too much for Wood to hold off and with the winning run on second base, a single to left was all they would need to win the game.

Wood lost in heartbreaking fashion, 11 to 10.

Game One MVP

Will Tong/Frank Bauch

Had it not been for a spectacular unassisted double play started on a catch by Tong on a windblown ball at second base, then tossed to Bauch, Wood never would’ve been in this game. Bauch’s bat had more hits than Lindsay Lohan’s crotch shot on TMZ.com, and almost single handily won Wood the game. Tong also had a big RBI single as well.

Game One LVP

Jevon Mattiassi. After being reprimanded several times about not bringing his girlfriend to the game Mattiassi denied our requests once again. She not only showed up several times, but also stole our water bottles just to rub it in our face. Clearly only a stunt that could be pulled off by the sneaky Mattiassi.

Game two continued where Wood had left off. Basically a lot of beach angels and Wood tomfoolery.

Wood got off to an early two touchdown lead and by the fourth inning led 14-2. They scorched starting All Black’s pitcher then continued the surge against the bullpen as well.

John “Lend me your heart and I’ll” Lan(d)ahan(d) pitched beautifully holding All Black hitters to a minimum until the fourth inning. At that point 20-year old rookie Dylan made his Wood debut by getting out of a jam and pitching a 1-2-3 fifth inning. Well done kid.

“You know what they say about these college players, I get older and they stay the same age…”

Ryan Tovani, fresh off his camping trip in the Sierra foothills went 4-4 in the game with six triples and seven RBI’s. Good god man. What a game. Frank Bauch & “Lomb” continued his hitting clinic, adding two more hits to his fine day.

After playing some cat and mouse, dragging the game out, Wood let the All Blacks creep back into the game, but Jevon Mattiassi closed the door in the Bottom of the 7^th with a 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8 inning, loading the bases before getting the final out to secure the win.

Wood won the game 17-12.

Game Two MVP

Ryan Tovani

His hit display was one for the ages and he even threw out two runners behind the dish. Well played sir.

Game Two LVP

Rick Roitinger

Two dropped fly balls could’ve cost Wood the win, but since the team was up 14-3 at the time, no one seemed to care.

Wood squares off against Mad Dogs this Sunday in Oakland. Last year Wood was swept in a double header. Great seats are still available.

Wood coach Brandon “I like to butter my toast on both” Sides coached both games from the sidelines to lead Wood to the split.

Go Wood.