Wood Falls Limp in Opener: Fuhrer Sides Last Reign

  
Aces 7
Wood 6

"I don't get coached by many men, but when I do, I get coached by Brandon Sides"
- Jevon Matiassi shortly before first pitch

"I don't get coached by many men, but when I do, I get coached by Dave Aubuchon"
-Jevon Matiassi shortly after learning Brandon Sides had stepped down from the coaching helm

"I don't normally take Ben gay via suppository but when I do I do it at Stud Bar"
-Umpire letting off steam from a lover's quarrel by calling Lopez for a balk in the 8th inning which would eventually be the difference maker in the game

San Mateo, Ca - When head coach Brandon "I got ready for my move to sunny L.A. by tanning on both" Sides puts on his pants in the morning he does it just like everyone else... except when he does it he wins Naba Championships.

Not Brandon Sides putting on pants

All great rulers reigns come to an end at some point. Julius Cesar fell at the hands of his own senate, Genghis Khan ran out of women he hadn't banged, and the desk ruler eventually gave way to the protractor.

And today the great Fuhrer Sides has stepped down from his thrown, which by the way was littered with women's panties.

Opening day came and went like any other. As usual there were no fly-byes, pop starts singing anthems or bobble-head giveaways, but the day was still significant.

Coach Sides, as part of his farewell tour started the game on the bump and cruised through his four innings of work allowing only a two-run one moon shot which landed somewhere in between San Mateo and Vancouver. Despite being handed the loss in the game, it was a solid swansong for the coach formally known as Sides.

Wood bats showed glimpses of life, but their eight hits came from just five Wood batters. Jevon Matiassi and Pat Whelly accounted for five of those with the most memorable being a solo blast off the bat of Whelly late in the game. Newcomer Zach Mandelblatt added a 3-run bomb in the 9th which left the yard faster than a boy after an ice cream truck, but the offense wasn't enough to overcome the deficit.

Despite starting the game on the mound, Sides coached brilliantly after exiting after four innings of work. And, after years of trying to figure out the best way to give signs to base-path-extraordinaire Rick Roitinger, he finally figured it out.

"It just finally hit me... I've accidentally been giving Rick the 'get picked off' sign this whole time," Sides admitted in a post-game interview.

Sides giving Roitinger mixed signals on the basepaths 

Apparently a third base-coach picking the underwear out of his ass is an international sign for drop your pants on the base paths, and Roitinger had been taking it as so. Unfortunately the emotional damage had already been done in given-away outs, as well as Side's underwear collection. To even the score Sides gave Roitinger a hit-and-run sign which he claimed was supposed to be a bunt sign that  resulted in Roitinger swinging at a pitch that landed halfway between the mound and the batter's box.

Seven earthworms were maimed in the miscue.

All in all, despite the loss, it was a great send-off for Sides. He will definitely be missed.

In an official tribute to the Fuhrer's reign, the next blog post will contain all of his wondrous nicknames over the past two-plus seasons.

Wood squares off against the Isotopes at Aragon Field in two weeks. Great seats are still available.

Game Stats - 3/24/13 Aces at WOOD

Box Score

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ACES (7) AT WOOD (6)

ACES                 AB  R  H BI  WOOD                 AB  R  H BI
Chris Meyer           4  1  1  1  Adam Fong             2  0  0  0  
Andrew Laughlin       5  1  2  0   Zach Mandelblatt     2  2  1  3  
Sabastian Camard      5  3  4  2  Pat Whelly            5  2  3  2  
Lou Salazar           4  0  2  1  Ryan Tovani           3  0  0  0  
Gil Cedeno            5  0  0  1  Alex Weber-Shapiro    3  0  1  0  
Nick Carter           4  1  2  0  Grant Bledsoe         4  0  1  1  
Travis Anderson       1  0  0  0  David Aubuchon        2  0  0  0  
 Aaron Paul           1  0  0  0   Kevin Page           2  0  0  0  
Kevin Gemulla         4  1  3  1  Frank Bauch           3  0  0  0  
Nico Mosley           3  0  0  0  Jevon Matiassi        3  1  2  0  
 Carey Salinas        0  0  0  0  Rick Roitinger        1  0  0  0  
Peter Lauterborn      1  0  0  0   Chente Lopez         2  0  0  0  
                                  Matt Moyer            2  1  0  0  
TOTALS               37  7 14  6  TOTALS               34  6  8  6

ACES                          200 002 201 -- 7  
WOOD                          000 002 013 -- 6  

LOB--ACES 11, WOOD 10. ERR--Nick Carter, Keith Thompson, Lou
Salazar, David Aubuchon, Chente Lopez, Ryan Tovani.
2B--Jevon Matiassi. HR--Sabastian Camard, Pat Whelly, Zach
Mandelblatt. HBP--Carey Salinas, Nick Carter, Chris Meyer.
SB--Andrew Laughlin, Nick Carter (2), Kevin Gemulla (2), Gil
Cedeno, Chris Meyer.

 ACES                            IP    H    R   ER   BB   SO   HR
Aaron Paul (W)                 3.33    2    0    0    1    2    0
Sina Ahmadi                    1.67    2    0    0    2    0    0
Keith Thompson                 1.00    1    2    2    3    0    1
Nico Mosley                    2.00    2    1    1    1    2    0
Robby Van Steenhuyse           1.00    1    3    3    2    1    1
 WOOD                       
Brandon Sides (L)              4.00    3    2    2    1    1    1
Kevin Page                     2.00    4    2    2    2    2    0
Steve McDevitt                 1.00    5    2    2    0    0    0
Chente Lopez                   1.33    2    1    1    0    4    0

PB--Travis Anderson, Jevon Matiassi. WP--Sina Ahmadi, Steve
McDevitt, Brandon Sides. SO--Andrew Laughlin (2), Nick
Carter, Gil Cedeno, Sabastian Camard, Chris Meyer, Peter
Lauterborn, Frank Bauch, Alex Weber-Shapiro, David Aubuchon,
Chente Lopez, Ryan Tovani. BB--Travis Anderson (2), Lou
Salazar, Frank Bauch, Alex Weber-Shapiro, Jevon Matiassi,
Matt Moyer (2), Zach Mandelblatt, Ryan Tovani (2), Rick
Roitinger.