Wood Out-Topedoed at Aragon

"Lopez, I challenge you to a duel!"

April 7, 2013

Isotopes 2
Wood 1

"Let's shit down their throats..."
- Brandon Sides before seeing his defecation addiction therapist


San Mateo, Ca - Isotopes are variants of a particular chemical element. On this day the particular chemical element took it to Wood in a 2-1 pitching duel.

An ecstatic Moyer picking up his wicker belt
 pre-game(wait a second - this looks just like Grant
from a previous blog)

Some prognosticated the team was in for a long day when three- year veteran sign- extraordinaire put on a sign clinic in the dugout before the game

"Hit and run is when you swipe the arms Zach, trust me on this one," Moyer instructed to the wide-eyed rookie in the dugout pre-game. "I know what I'm talking abo-"

"What? No it's not," responded seven Wood members.

"Oh...I've made a huge mistake," a perplexed Moyer responded, as he tightened up his "I got it at Ross" wicker belt and came to the realization as to why he's been receiving so many hit-and-run signs; like 31 a game.



Chente Lopez started on the bump for Wood and answered the duel in prodigious fashion going six strong innings wearing his iconic tennis "cleats" and slick sunglasses. Lopez allowed just one run on a wild pitch in the sixth, while striking out four, walking one and blinding twelve fans with the reflection from his cleats in the effort.

Chente (above) went through several 

shoe colors before finally settling on white

Lopez wasn't the only stellar human in the field; Wood's defense played extraordinary as well. Matt Moyer (left) actually had more put outs than a three-dollar hooker in Thailand.

"Oh he puts out," a horny co-ed could be heard muttering from the stands as she called an order in for magnum condoms at CVS.

At the plate Wood scraped together eight hits, but stranded seven baserunners in the contest. The only run came off the bat of Alex Weber-Shapiro who crushed a fastball into the trees over the right field fence, disbanding a small family of sloths in the process.Weber-Shapiro also added two singles to his box sheet in the loss. Other notables were Zach Mandelblatt who had a pair of singles and Adam Fong who had a hit, a sac-bunt and a stolen base.

This nice family of sloths now live a life of solitude
after Weber-Shapiro destroyed their home in right field
what a dick.

The overall feel of the game was about the same as a Jevon Mattiassi one night stand. Lots of scratching a clawing and just when you thought something was going to happen, a large man wearing only a clown shirt and a red ball draped over his privates was left stranded on the base paths.

Jevon, you never call anymore

The difference maker in the game was a wild pitch thrown by Kevin "I need to find a payphone because I just got a" Page which allowed the runner to steal home. Page did however pitch brilliantly in the loss, surrendering not a single hit while striking out two over two innings of work.

The real winner of the entire afternoon was Verizon who was able to bill the base umpire several overage charges after he made several phone calls from the field while the players waiting for him to finish his convos.


"Well blue, what's the call?"

"I just saved hundreds on my car insurance by switching to Geico; just got off the phone with them just now."

"What about the base runner?"

"Who?"

The loss dropped Wood to 0-2 on the season. They'll look to rebound against the All Blacks next weekend. Great seats are still available.

Archibald the base umpire in the third inning while the game was on hold 

Game Stats - 5/11/13 WOOD at Isotopes

Box Score

---

WOOD (1) AT ISOTOPES (2)

WOOD                 AB  R  H BI  ISOTOPES             AB  R  H BI

Will Tong             3  0  0  0  Christopher Viegas    4  0  2  0  

 Rick Roitinger       1  0  0  0  Jackson Tavo Hall     4  1  2  0  

Matt Moyer            4  0  1  0  Sean Scott            2  0  0  0  

Zach Mandelblatt      3  0  2  0  Dan Meewis            3  0  0  0  

Alex Weber-Shapiro    4  1  3  1  Lex                   3  0  0  0  

Grant Bledsoe         4  0  0  0  Leo Ortiz             2  0  0  0  

Jevon Matiassi        4  0  0  0  Brian Brooks          3  0  1  0  

David Aubuchon        4  0  1  0  Brandon Barron        2  1  1  0  

Kevin Page            4  0  0  0  Michael Stosz         2  0  0  0  

Adam Fong             2  0  1  0  *Edgar Murillo        1  0  0  0  

TOTALS               33  1  8  1  TOTALS               26  2  6  0

WOOD                          000 001 000 -- 1  

ISOTOPES                      000 001 01x -- 2  

LOB--WOOD 7, ISOTOPES 3. 2B--Jackson Tavo Hall. HR--Alex

Weber-Shapiro. HBP--Zach Mandelblatt. SACB--Adam Fong,

Michael Stosz. SB--Matt Moyer, Adam Fong.

 WOOD                            IP    H    R   ER   BB   SO   HR

Kevin Page (L)                 2.00    0    1    1    1    2    0

Chente Lopez                   6.00    6    1    1    1    4    0

 ISOTOPES                   

WP--Kevin Page, Chente Lopez. SO--Kevin Page (2), David

Aubuchon (2), Grant Bledsoe (4), Jevon Matiassi (3), Matt

Moyer, Adam Fong, Rick Roitinger, Lex (2), Michael Stosz

(2), Brian Brooks, Christopher Viegas. BB--Leo Ortiz,

Brandon Barron.