Wood Defense Dazzles in Victory
June 2nd, 2013
WOOD 9
Benders 2
"Don't talk trash to this umpire because he can get angry quickly..." - Matt Moyer
50 seconds later...
"Are you kidding me, he didn't even tag me - ump you suck donkey cock!" - Matt Moyer
"Shouldn't Grant have a non-runner... holy shit he's stealing..."
-The entire Wood team and fan base
This weeks blog is brought to you by... the Mattiassi Dog Muzzle
Mattiassi Dog Muzzle
June 2nd, 2013
WOOD 9
Benders 2
"Don't talk trash to this umpire because he can get angry quickly..." - Matt Moyer
50 seconds later...
"Are you kidding me, he didn't even tag me - ump you suck donkey cock!" - Matt Moyer
"Shouldn't Grant have a non-runner... holy shit he's stealing..."
-The entire Wood team and fan base
This weeks blog is brought to you by... the Mattiassi Dog Muzzle
Mattiassi Dog Muzzle
After reading several of the reviews online I waited anxiously in anticipation for my Mattiassi Dog Muzzle. Most of the reviews mentioned to stick with the standard version, but after some consideration I decided to spring for the plus model that came with the voice box. With one push of a button the words "Let's be honest for a second," "There is always time to bone," and "Let's Shit down their throats," was going to be blissfully playing instead of my dog Rex barking.
Unfortunately this couldn't be further from what I received. In fact, this muzzle is the absolute antithesis to peace and quiet. Quite frankly this thing sucks. Chalk this up as another failed product by Mattiassi Inc. I also own the "Mattiassi masturbation sleeve," the "Mattiassi ass-hair waxer," and "Mattiassi Condom," made out of goatskin and all are just as shitty as this muzzle.
If I could've rated this a 0 star I would've. You could still hear Rex from a mile down the road. In fact I think it made the mutt louder.
I could make a better muzzle using my left nut. This thing really is one piece of dog shit.
Unfortunately this couldn't be further from what I received. In fact, this muzzle is the absolute antithesis to peace and quiet. Quite frankly this thing sucks. Chalk this up as another failed product by Mattiassi Inc. I also own the "Mattiassi masturbation sleeve," the "Mattiassi ass-hair waxer," and "Mattiassi Condom," made out of goatskin and all are just as shitty as this muzzle.
If I could've rated this a 0 star I would've. You could still hear Rex from a mile down the road. In fact I think it made the mutt louder.
I could make a better muzzle using my left nut. This thing really is one piece of dog shit.
Listed in: The Yelp 100 Challenge
And now to the game...
Alameda, Ca - Wood took the field Sunday with a pep in their step, a goal of victory in their hearts and a fully filed report with the Missing Person's Agency. The report was for no other than the beloved Patrick Whelly who failed to show for the contest. Where was Whelly? There were some theories.
There were reports that Whelly was spotted in this apartment but it turned out to be just some guy with a horse head... watching a guy with a horse head on tv... |
Despite the certainty of the caller, this lead on Whelly's whereabouts came back negative as well. It turned out to just be some guy dancing with his cats |
Wood contigent thought they had Whelly's whereabouts nailed when what they thought was a Whelly family photo surfaced shortly after the end of the third inning Alas, it was not Whelly. It was however the first ginger ventriloquist anyone had ever photographed, so that was something at least |
As usual it was all pitching and defense at Encinal, but something else emerged that was missing from the last game; offense. Wood was money at the plate amounting nine runs in the victory.
Steve McDevitt started on the mound and danced, darted, and dildoed his way through 5+ innings of work. Benders adhered to McDevitt's ongoing season .300+ batting average against scattering nine hits , but luckily when he left in the sixth, heeding way to Kevin "I always go out on Divisadero so I can go to my favorite bar, The" Page, Wood led 7-2.
"They hit a ton of balls to the wall today." - Frank Bauch while sitting next to Steve on the bench.
"Frank I can hear you - I'm right here..." - Steve in response
Without Chauncey the silverback alien fish, Bauch never would've stood a chance out there. |
Frank Bauch had at least five put outs in his innings one of which involved a turnip, a tricycle and a some silver fish thingy guy.
Grant making what Wood brass are calling the play of the century |
With the sun shining down upon Grant, the wind blowing peacefully on the water and Piggy home snug in his bend a Bender better absolutely obliterated a ball down the first base line. Grant took one step to his left and then did the most amazing dive - one that by no means can be described in words, only pictures. After doing a complete barrel roll, shortening his arms to T-Rex length, and blindly throwing the first base, Wood recorded the out. Simply amazing.
That grounds-keeping school in the off-season had finally paid off for Bauch |
"Have a day me" - Frank "Sprinklermaster" Bauch
Wood moved to 7-4 on the season and currently has a stronghold on the 4 seed in the playoff hunt. They square off against the Blazers (4-6) Friday night. Great seats are still available.
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