Victory! Wood Clinches Bay East

Wood: 3
Blue Claws: 2



Wood Baseball Club eked out a win versus the Blue Claws on Saturday, clinching the Bay East division title in the process.  Wood outlasted the Claws in the ten inning marathon with the help of solid pitching, unflappable defense,  and a 10th inning, 400 foot, big balled piss rocket off the bat of newcomer Alex Webber Shapiro.  The division title is the first in team history, as is Webber Shapiro's dinger (although it appears he commonly swings the bat with extreme prejudice and furious anger). 

The rookie's shot was hit so hard the ball nearly knocked down a giant redwood beyond the right field fence.  One Woodette even said she hadn't seen that many leaves come loose since her last Phish concert.  Webber Shapiro's production was not however limited to offense.  The center fielder made a diving catch in the bottom of the inning to help preserve the win, and threw out a would-be go ahead run at the plate earlier in the game.  Needless to say, Alex's presence was felt.  In a good way.

Brandon "Sometimes when I get nervous I stick my hands under my armpits, then put them up to my nose on both" Sides could not have been happier about the division title.  While the head coach is looking towards the playoffs to compete for the SFNABA title (and ultimate and everlasting glory), the division win is a feather in the cap of the Wood skipper.  The thought of a potential SFNABA title may have had Sides distracted during the game though.  One of his middle inning at bats ended oddly after a called second strike, when he abruptly turned around and walked back to the dugout.  The Blue Claws' confused catcher showed gamesmanship by keeping the actual count to himself, and an equally confused home plate umpire took an opportunity he'd never had before: ring a hitter up on strike two.  We can only imagine what was going through Sides' head at the time....but my money's on some combination of the SFNABA trophy, a wrestling singlet, and several gallons of olive oil.

Adam Fong added an excellent offensive performance as Wood boiled and cracked the Blue Claws.  The outfielder's multiple hit game included an RBI single that brought in Wood's first run, and a ringing double to left center.  Chants of "Fear the Fong" were heard from the stands in the later innings, although they could have been misinterpreted for teammate Will the Tong who equally deserves the praise.  Tong's pace setting in the leadoff hole was again a boon to Wood's offense.  The second baseman worked deep at bats, hit line drives all over the yard, and made nifty plays all game defensively.  Dave Aubuchon also added a multi-hit game, while splitting time defensively between third base and catcher.

Ely Alexander worked another strong outing on the mound for Wood.  Re-armed with a split finger fastball, the right hander threw five innings and allowed only one run.  Alexander also racked up five strikeouts and soiled a season low zero shorts on hit batsmen (SSHB if you're scoring at home).  Wives and family members of Blue Claws players thanked Alexander after the game.


Chente Lopez earned the win after relieving Alexander in the sixth inning.  Lopez has been a crutch on the mound all year for Wood, and continued his winning ways Saturday.  Mixing speeds and locations and holding runners close comes second nature to Lopez.  Wearing conventional baseball apparel does not though.  Lopez's white and green turf shoes and dark sunglasses are anything but normal, but seem to distract opposing hitters enough to win.  The righty has seven wins on the season, which is more than eight entire SFNABA teams have all year.

This author even earned a new nickname during Saturday's contest.  "Barney Rubble" was uttered from Wood's dugout after a haphazard trip around the bases early in the game.  Before Saturday no one knew it was possible to take a four foot lead and still require seven steps to get back to first base.  Now you know.  I think the great Billy Madison put it best.



Shoutouts:

Jevon Mattiassi - for catching the first half of the game in the hot sun despite having a wedding to
attend less than an hour later.

Dave Aubuchon - for catching the second half of the game in the hot sun, while spending nearly every offensive inning running the bags and repeatedly diving back to first base.

Ely Alexander - for spending all his energy shutting down the Blue Claws in the first five innings, then hanging on to man third base on nothing but fumes.

And as always, a BIG shoutout to the Woodettes and other Wood faithful who came out to support their Wood.

Wood looks to carry Saturday's momentum through its final three regular season games and into the playoffs.  The team can capture the #1 playoff seed by winning all three contests, but can do no worse than the #2 seed otherwise.

Wood laces up the cleats twice this weekend, against the Heroes at 7pm Friday, and against the Red Giants at 3pm Saturday.  Both games are at Albert Park and as always, great seats are still available.

Wood Splits with Blazers, Schedules Team Tetanus Shots

Quote of the week:   Jevon - “Wait, Will, hold that pose, your penis looks HUGE!”

Game One:  Wood 7-5

Game Two: Blazers 7-4

The Wood baseball club appeared well rested on Sunday afternoon after taking a week off to celebrate our nation’s birthday.  Unfortunately for the misfits, rest is not always synonymous with success.  Wood overcame a difficult, error laden first inning to rally and beat the Blazers 7-5 in game one of the double dip.  Wood fielders managed to boot, kick, overthrow, and underthrow balls around the yard and ended up yielding four unearned runs in the disgusting inning.  To say the inning was rough is an understatement, more balls dropped than a Cub Scout troop entering tanner stage three.

Luckily for Wood, Chente Lopez was there to save the day once again.  After the first inning defensive gaffe, Lopez cruised through the next eight innings giving up only one other run.  Lopez’s consistency gave the team just enough time to rally for seven runs and snatch game one from the grasp of the Blazers. 

The victory was Lopez’s second consecutive complete game victory.  The ace righty is now among league leaders in wins, strikeouts, and complete games, and remains dead last in warm up pitches thrown. 

Offensively Pat Whelly led the charge for Wood in game one.  Still refreshed from his most recent shave (circa early May), Whelly racked up three hits, scored twice, stole four bases, and played a stellar second base.  He later rescued a kitten from a tree after changing out of his uniform in a nearby phone booth.  The European Central Bank has also contacted him for help regarding its current fiscal dilemma.

Game two did not go as well for Wood.  The team welcomed the arrival of its duo of Asian parents Adam Fong and Will the Tong, but not even their supreme fertility could lead Wood to a win.  The Blazers jumped to an early lead that Wood wasn’t able to overcome, taking the game 7-4. 

Interim head coach / third baseman Dave Aubuchon decided to give catcher Ryan Tovani a rest in game two, favoring the fresh legs of Jevon Mattiassi.  A standard move during doubleheaders, but nonetheless there was confusion between the two backstops.

Jevon:  “Hey dude, pretty sure I’ve got game two behind the dish.”

Ryan:  “You sure?  I’ve already got the gear on.  It looks pretty good on me too.”

Jevon:  “No argument there, you look fantastic in those shin guards.  Want to get loose and throw the ball around a bit?”

Ryan:  “Naw I’m good.”

Jevon:  “Hit some whiffles?”

Ryan:  “Naw I’m gonna finish my sandwich.”

Jevon:  “How about some quick tummysticks?”

Ryan:  “HELL yes.”

Jevon:  “I’ll get my chest protector.”

Game two was not all shenanigans though, including the bright performance of Sean “Beansie” Bachelder.  The rookie had another strong start on the hill for Wood, mixing and matching pitches and speeds through six innings of work.  Ely Alexander followed with a strong bullpen outing, despite admitting afterward that he was intimidated by Whelly’s thick, dark brown beard. 

The best hit of the game came off the bat off Adam Fong.  The Wood veteran blasted an opposite field double over the head of the opposing right fielder.  There was some debate over where the ball landed though, as his brand new white mizuno baseball pants blinded the crowd on his trip around the bags.  Kudos to Adam for keeping Wood clean, classy, and full of extra base hits.

Wood also got a shot in the arm by picking up lefty Alex Webber from the waiver wire.  Head coach Brandon “No more bath salts for me, last I tried those I ate some dude’s face on both” Sides made the decision in the eleventh hour Saturday, just in time to add the youngster to the roster for the double dip Sunday.  Alex’s versatility, big game experience, and standard cup size will be a welcome addition to the club.

Finally this week, this author would like to add a new section to Throwing with Coach: Shout Outs.  Shout outs are to recognize Wood efforts that may not show up in the box score.  Sacrifice bunts.  Diving catches.  Moving runners over.  Screwing fat chicks.  Making it all the way to the bathroom to hurl.  These all qualify as shout outs.  We have several this week.

Shout out to Chente Lopez for admitting he saw Magic Mike….twice. “I fell asleep the first time so we had to go see it again.”

Shout out to Will the Tong for making it to game two even when his boys were giving each other the people’s elbow all morning at home. 

Shout out to Jevon Mattiassi for throwing out two runners in one inning of game two while Wood was rallying, and for being a rock behind the plate.

Shout out to Frank Bauch for his consistent, opposite field line drive approach.  Game one would not have been won without Franky’s timely singles.

A BIG Shout out to Dave Moyer, for suffering through 18 innings of Wood baseball on a cold, cloudy day, and still offering the whole team beers afterward.

This Saturday Wood squares off against the Blueclaws at 9:45AM at Aragon High School.  A win would clinch the Bay East Division and possibly a #2 seed in the playoffs.  Great seats still available.