Game One: Wood 7-5
Game Two: Blazers
7-4
The Wood baseball club appeared well rested on Sunday afternoon
after taking a week off to celebrate our nation’s birthday. Unfortunately for the misfits, rest is not
always synonymous with success. Wood
overcame a difficult, error laden first inning to rally and beat the Blazers
7-5 in game one of the double dip. Wood
fielders managed to boot, kick, overthrow, and underthrow balls around the yard
and ended up yielding four unearned runs in the disgusting inning. To say the inning was rough is an
understatement, more balls dropped than a Cub Scout troop entering tanner
stage three.
Luckily for Wood, Chente Lopez was there to save the day
once again. After the first inning
defensive gaffe, Lopez cruised through the next eight innings giving up only
one other run. Lopez’s consistency gave
the team just enough time to rally for seven runs and snatch game one from the
grasp of the Blazers.
The victory was Lopez’s second consecutive complete game
victory. The ace righty is now among
league leaders in wins, strikeouts, and complete games, and remains dead last
in warm up pitches thrown. 
Offensively Pat Whelly led the charge for Wood in game
one. Still refreshed from his most
recent shave (circa early May), Whelly racked up three hits, scored twice, stole
four bases, and played a stellar second base.
He later rescued a kitten from a tree after changing out of his uniform
in a nearby phone booth. The European
Central Bank has also contacted him for help regarding its current fiscal
dilemma.
Game two did not go as well for Wood. The team welcomed the arrival of its duo of
Asian parents Adam Fong and Will the Tong, but not even their supreme fertility
could lead Wood to a win. The Blazers
jumped to an early lead that Wood wasn’t able to overcome, taking the game
7-4.
Interim head coach / third baseman Dave Aubuchon decided to
give catcher Ryan Tovani a rest in game two, favoring the fresh legs of Jevon
Mattiassi. A standard move during doubleheaders,
but nonetheless there was confusion between the two backstops.
Jevon: “Hey dude,
pretty sure I’ve got game two behind the dish.”
Ryan: “You sure? I’ve already got the gear on. It looks pretty good on me too.”
Jevon: “No argument
there, you look fantastic in those shin guards.
Want to get loose and throw the ball around a bit?”
Ryan: “Naw I’m good.”
Jevon: “Hit some
whiffles?”
Ryan: “Naw I’m gonna
finish my sandwich.”
Jevon: “How about
some quick tummysticks?”
Ryan: “HELL yes.”
Jevon: “I’ll get my
chest protector.”
Game two was not all shenanigans though, including the
bright performance of Sean “Beansie” Bachelder.
The rookie had another strong start on the hill for Wood, mixing and
matching pitches and speeds through six innings of work. Ely Alexander followed with a strong bullpen
outing, despite admitting afterward that he was intimidated by Whelly’s thick, dark brown beard.
The best hit of the game came off the bat off Adam
Fong. The Wood veteran blasted an
opposite field double over the head of the opposing right fielder. There was some debate over where the ball
landed though, as his brand new white mizuno baseball pants blinded the crowd
on his trip around the bags. Kudos to
Adam for keeping Wood clean, classy, and full of extra base hits.
Wood also got a shot in the arm by picking up lefty Alex
Webber from the waiver wire. Head coach
Brandon “No more bath salts for me, last I tried those I ate some dude’s face on
both” Sides made the decision in the eleventh hour Saturday, just in time to
add the youngster to the roster for the double dip Sunday. Alex’s versatility, big game experience, and
standard cup size will be a welcome addition to the club.
Finally this week, this author would like to add a new
section to Throwing with Coach: Shout Outs.
Shout outs are to recognize Wood efforts that may not show up in the box
score. Sacrifice bunts. Diving catches. Moving runners over. Screwing fat chicks. Making it all the way to the bathroom to
hurl. These all qualify as shout
outs. We have several this week.
Shout out to Chente Lopez for
admitting he saw Magic Mike….twice. “I fell asleep the first time so we had to
go see it again.”
Shout out to Will the Tong for
making it to game two even when his boys were giving each other the people’s
elbow all morning at home.
Shout out to Jevon Mattiassi for
throwing out two runners in one inning of game two while Wood was rallying, and
for being a rock behind the plate.
Shout out to Frank Bauch for his
consistent, opposite field line drive approach.
Game one would not have been won without Franky’s timely singles.
A BIG Shout out to Dave Moyer, for
suffering through 18 innings of Wood baseball on a cold, cloudy day, and still offering the whole team
beers afterward.
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