Huge Wood

wood is strong as playoff hopes are kept alive with split

Game 1: Isotopes 13, Wood 3

Game 2: Wood 8, Red Giants 7

August 6th, 2011

“No one uses that word butthole anymore…”

-Word of the day, new App by Zynga, Mattiassi with Friends ©

“Just shut up and let me focus on this at-bat…”

-Pat Whelly in response to Coach Sides moments before crushing a solo homer

“Who wants to see what is behind my saxophone?”

-Some naked guy wearing only a reed instrument covering his privates sitting in the bleachers

____________________________________________________________

San Mateo, Ca – On the brink of elimination, Wood dropped the opening game versus the Isotopes, but narrowly nipped the Red Giants to cling to playoff hopes Saturday.

The David v. Goliath showdown in the morning game had all the makings of glorious, headlining upset. Wood was in a must-win situation with their peckers up against the backstop, the Topes barely had enough players to field a team, and head coach Brandon “You go left, I go right, and we’ll attack on both” Sides had stayed at a Holiday Inn the night before after just finishing a successful rib removal surgery.

Unfortunately to Wood’s chagrin, the pugnacious giant’s foe was nowhere to be found. For Rick Roitinge- I mean David, had found himself on a all-night peyote bender, his whereabouts only triangulated because of an e-mail sent at 2:30am stating he had just completed a gang bang involving Rumplestiltskin, Rip Van Winkle and Rapunzel.

Just the tip Rapunzel?

I know you want to cuddle Rapunz, but well, er, I uh, sort of placed the used condom in your hair, I swear I thought it was the rug-I’m sure this happens a lot, no? Ok... so I’ve got to run, meeting a jester at noon, its been real…

As the legend goes, Goliath gnashed his nasty teeth and struck for three first inning runs off Wood starter Ely Alexander, but David was not willing to stand left holding their saxophones in their hands.

Not on this day.

“This day the LORD will deliver you into my hand, and I will strike you down, and cut off your head; and I will give the dead bodies of the host of the Philistines this day to the birds of the air and to the wild beasts…”

Ok so maybe it would be on this day.

Goliath won 13 to 3. Not much else to note here…

MVP: Ely Alexander. After enduring a tumultuous start, he settled in and shut down the Topes keeping Wood in the game, as well as eating up some valuable innings.

LVP: The Topes outfield. After going up big in the game, while also completely shutting down Wood bats, the outfielders turned the outfield fence into a jungle gym thinking it was cute to make fake jumping catches over the wall while the game went on.

-------------------------------

Game Two proved to be well worth the price of admission for the fans in attendance. The Red Giants came into the game with the same record and also clinging to playoff hopes.

Steve “No decision, yet I’m 4-1” McDevitt took the hill and cruised through his first two innings before meeting his match in the third inning. He walked the first batter, which ultimately led to three Red Giant runs.

In past games, an early deficit meant certain demise of Wood, however with their feet on the edge of the cliff, Wood disproved their season’s Achilles Heel, answering back for three of their own runs in the top half of the next inning. They came courtesy of smart base running and a big hit from John Lanahan, fresh back from his "I found time to bone" vacation.

Each team would squeeze out another run and when McDevitt left the game in the sixth inning the score was tied 4-4. Lanahan relieved him and pitched brilliantly, but a couple of Wood errors allowed the Red Giants to take the lead.

Again Wood stood their ground, answering back despite being down late. In what was the most heroic moment of the season, Pat Whelly crushed a solo home run over the right field wall to cut the deficit to one run in the seventh inning.

Wood would add a pair of runs in the top half of the eighth to take the lead, thanks to a base running blunder which turned into a run, and a pivotal hit off the bat of Jevon “There’s Always Time to Bone” Mattiassi who had a pair of hits in the contest.

Lanahan shut down the Red Giants for the final two innings to secure the win. And what a great win it was.

Wood won 8 to 7.

MVP: Pat Whelly. Despite a tough sixth inning and a collection of errors, the one they call the franchise and savior, Whelly dug deep and redeemed himself with a seventh inning solo blast. Amazing to watch.

LVP: Dave Aubuchon. With his defensive efforts, you could make a case for this vacuum cleaner for MVP, but after a base running blunder cost Wood a chance at insurance runs in the eighth, he convinced teammates that it was Frank Bauch who was was at fault as the bench began screaming at Bauch...

So what now?

And now they wait. They need a win from the Blue Claws Sunday or the season is over.

More to follow?