Wood Locks in First Victory

Thanks Obama

April 14th, 2013

Wood 6
All Blacks 0

"You shook him off for that?"
- A disgusted Mr. Moyer after realizing he could've been drinking ice cold Sierra at the A's game instead of watching Mandelblatt's breaking ball sail into the backstop

"Tovani, can I use your bat, I have a great credit score..."
-Steve McDevitt doing his best freecreditreport.com sales pitch before pinch-hitting in the 9th

"Fucking finally!"
-Kevin Page after finally finding the Justin Bieber, live at Wembley Stadium album he's been looking for, or after he laced a double off the fence, one of the two.

Aubo my love, I'll just
let myself out

Oakland, Ca – For young David Aubuchon, the day started out like any other. His coffee pot was set on start for 8am sharp, his baseball slacks were laid out on his couch folded neatly as usual, and the circus-freak/lover had quietly slept out before anyone had noticed. It was going to be a good day.

After propping open an eyelid, then happily dozing back off to sleep to gain a few more moments of relaxation,  his alarm sprang to life. Instantly he one-hundred percent regretted purchasing the Brandon Sides top selling ringtone which had been #1 six weeks straight on helpIneedatherapist.com.

Even Gepeto himself couldn't bring
Sides and his sock show back 

W-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-D his phone bellowed as he attempted to hit snooze. In the hazy chaos Dave thought his ringtone had Pinocchioed itself and turned to life. He swore he saw a real Brandon Sides donning only his Wood cap over his privates in his bedroom. How could it be that after just one week at the helm, the Fuhrer was already haunting his nightmares?

Luckily he was wrong.

Once at the field Aubuchon was relieved to see that Sides was nowhere in the vicinity. All that he saw was Matt Moyer moving his fingers to and fro, giving himself a concussion test. 

“Matt, how many fingers am I holding up,” Matt asked Matt.

“Two,” Matt replied.

And next Moyer I will ask you how many fingers I
have in your rectum. If you get it right you can
return to the field

“Correct. I’m thinking of a number between 1 and –

“Six.”

“Amazing – right again. Ok I think you’re ready to play. Take off that wicker belt and try on this new Rawlings Pro. Six cows were slaughtered in the making of this bad boy.”

Moyer picked up the belt pictured here down in the Castro pre-game

The day was ripe for baseball. Chente Lopez was to take the mound, the sun was out and Wood favorite Piggy was in attendance. By the time warm-ups has began, women had lined already up outside the stadium just for a glimpse of the magnificent stallion.

“Should I use my new bat or the fungo?” Lopez asked before hitting warm-up grounders.

“What would Piggy do?” Mattassi responded, not sure himself which would result in the best outcome.

It ended up being Piggy’s last quest.

Many have heard the nursery rhyme about the little pigs, but many have not heard this version.

Had Piggy known he was going to get one in
the chops the market wouldn't have sounded
so bad

This little piggy went to the market, this little piggy stayed home, and this little piggy was drilled by an attempted catcher pop-up off the bat of Lopez.

The game got off on the right side of Wood with bats coming alive from start with big hits from Ryan Tovani, Matt Moyer, Pat Whelly, and wait...another hit from Ryan Tovani. After two innings of play, Wood was up 3-0 and that is ultimately all the Wood pitching staff would need.

"I could've won the game if we scored 0 runs. Heck even if we scored -1 runs I'd still win the game for us," Chente Lopez noted after the game.

Wood scrapped together a total of 12 hits, a season high but left a small village of base runners on-base, thus only posting 6 runs to the board in the end.

Highlights at the plate included a Ted Williams-esque performance by Tovani, (4-4, 2 Rbi), Pat Whelly (2-4, 3 runs, Rbi), Kevin "How am I supposed to see the centerfold now that its stuck to the next" Page (2-5, run, Rbi) and Zach Mandelblatt who did more walking Sunday

That Mandelblatt out-walked me again tonight

than a Barbara Walters  street hooker lookalike.

In the field, it was Wood baseball as usual- solid pitching and even better defense. Lopez cruised through four shutout innings of work and the bullpen ironed out the rest of the shutout details. Both Grant Bledsoe and Mandelblatt made their 2013 debuts and pitched brilliantly. Steve McDevitt added two innings of shutout ball, while managing to load the bases both innings but exited unscathed.

Wood looks to continue the Wood awesomeness Saturday April 27th when they take on the Red Giants. Great seats are still available.

Game Stats - 4/14/13 WOOD at All Blacks

Box Score

---

WOOD (6) AT ALL BLACKS (0)

WOOD                 AB  R  H BI  ALL BLACKS           AB  R  H BI

Pat Whelly            4  3  2  1  Ben Burg              5  0  0  0  

Matt Moyer            5  1  1  1  Anthony Najera        4  0  0  0  

Zach Mandelblatt      1  0  0  0  Nate Weidkamp         4  0  1  0  

Ryan Tovani           4  0  4  2  Nick Safir            4  0  2  0  

Jevon Matiassi        3  0  0  0  Alfonso Diazgrandos   3  0  1  0  

 Rick Roitinger       1  0  0  1  Olanrewajo            3  0  1  0  

Grant Bledsoe         3  0  1  1  Dan Greenberg         3  0  1  0  

 Chente Lopez         1  0  0  0  Andrew Bergstrom      4  0  1  0  

David Aubuchon        4  0  1  0  Larry Chiang          2  0  1  0  

 Steve McDevitt       1  0  0  0  Brad Guslani          3  0  0  0  

Will Tong             4  0  1  0                                    

Kevin Page            5  1  2  0                                    

Frank Bauch           2  1  0  0                                    

TOTALS               38  6 12  6  TOTALS               35  0  8  0

WOOD                          120 002 001 -- 6  

ALL BLACKS                    000 000 000 -- 0  

LOB--WOOD 17, ALL BLACKS 14. ERR--Frank Bauch, Matt Moyer,

Nate Weidkamp. 2B--Pat Whelly, Kevin Page, Matt Moyer, Nate

Weidkamp. HBP--Matt Moyer, Will Tong, Dan Greenberg, Brad

Guslani, Larry Chiang, Alfonso Diazgrandos. SB--Kevin Page,

Grant Bledsoe, Zach Mandelblatt (2), Ryan Tovani (2).

 WOOD                            IP    H    R   ER   BB   SO   HR

Chente Lopez                   4.00    2    0    0    0    1    0

Steve McDevitt                 2.00    4    0    0    1    2    0

Grant Bledsoe                  1.00    0    0    0    1    0    0

Zach Mandelblatt               2.00    2    0    0    0    3    0

 ALL BLACKS                 

Jeremy Butterfield             4.00    6    3    3    5    4    0

Anthony Najera                 5.00    6    3    3    5    4    0

PB--Nick Safir. SO--David Aubuchon (2), Grant Bledsoe (2),

Jevon Matiassi, Zach Mandelblatt, Will Tong, Rick Roitinger,

Dan Greenberg, Nate Weidkamp (2), Andrew Bergstrom (2), Brad

Guslani. BB--Pat Whelly (2), Frank Bauch, Grant Bledsoe,

Zach Mandelblatt (4), Ryan Tovani, Rick Roitinger, 

Olanrewajo, Larry Chiang.

Guy is a natural